and then Cannie … changed.

I’ve been online for over 15 years or so on multiple platforms… a creative blog – before it was popular for Black girls to share creations online – to a website teaching crafty stuff…all the way to a larger presence sharing my natural journey including hair, skin, and beauty. And the truth of the matter is, I was trying to “find” and “celebrate” myself and Black women like me. And I did it in all in the wrong ways, because within all of the searching and sharing, I was actually losing myself. Losing myself to– stuff. Yep, hair products. Makeup. Clothes. Meetups. Reviews. Down to the nitty-gritty, I was losing myself to stuff I really didn’t care about. I spent countless hours trying to be unique in my presentation to stand out with hopes of gaining people. See, I figured sharing stuff was a means to an end…it would put me in this fantasy community of women to become friends with and to “do life” with. But in the end, it was vain and empty. I had closets and rooms full of “stuff” and was still unfulfilled. I was, in essence, a walking commercial. And I got paid good money too. And I hated it. I was betraying myself, because at my core, I really did not care about the stuff…I cared about the relationships.

To add insult to injury, my “unique” platform was overshadowed by new influencers with handles very similar to mine that were overtaking the interwebs, some in popularity and others in copycat delivery. And it turns out, many of the “relationships” I thought I developed on my platforms faded away as I stopped being a walking billboard.

Some people would be bitter about this. I’m not, because honestly, I’ve received beauty for ashes. The beauty of it is that the quieter I became online, the louder my true community emerged. The ones I was searching for…that actually liked me…that became my friends…that love me in all my crazy and follow my platforms no matter what I am talking about. They were the ones that saw my heart at the end of the “commercials” I was producing and appreciate plain ‘ole me. And I learned to not only appreciate myself outside of the glitz and fancy…but to embrace my regular smegular self, finding joy in the simple things.

So, I endeavor to do all things fun and “Cannie style-” unfiltered and unrestrained.

So boom … here we are.

I’ve changed. And it’s wonderful.

I’m my whole self…beautiful and multilayered, with splash of ratchet tendencies. And I wanna exist as myself and share it with all who wanna go on the ride. My digital footprint is changing course. No rules, just realness and regularness and everything I like (including making words that never existed formally, and that’s ok. You know what I am saying.)

So here’s to my online rebirth.

and then Cannie …changed.